


little self-ship fics

by CakeofRage



Series: Miyako Nakajima, Ultimate Psychotherapist [3]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Ableist Language, Drug Withdrawal, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Sex, Mental Health Issues, Multi, OC/Canon, Oneshot, Self Ship, Self-Hatred, Self-Insert, Slurs, mental health drug withdrawal, posted wip, ventfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2020-09-28 20:17:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20431841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CakeofRage/pseuds/CakeofRage
Summary: I wrote these a long while ago, but I felt like sharing them now for some reason.





	1. you can't leave if i say goodbye (ventfic)

**Author's Note:**

> Starships deserves some justice, since the last thing I posted was despairverse.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is it better to leave first than to be left?

Come on, Miyako, you're smarter than this. You're the Ultimate Psychotherapist for God's sake. You should know not to be overpowered by this. It makes you a hypocrite to tell your clients this and be overwhelmed yourself.  
You should know better than to say goodbye over a text message.  
You can hear Kaito's voice outside her door. "Hey, Sunny! Open up!" You can sense his worry.  
Great going, Miyako, you got him all _ worried _ about you. He shouldn't be. He's better off not worrying about you. Why make him feel that pain?  
You curl up in bed and ignore him.  
That message was a cry for help and you know it. Just answer the door and stop pushing him away. _ Stop worrying him. _

Or you can pretend you're okay. But we know that'll fly like a slab of concrete.

**Just answer the door.**  
You get up and answer the door, looking like a sack of fried shit. Did you even shower? No, of course not. You were too busy drowning in your _ feelings _ .  
Answering the door to Kaito feels like being struck by a train. Discovering Maki there as well feels like being struck by lightning.  
Yes, seeing them lights your heart with joy. You don't think you could love anyone else more in this world, more than you love them.  
That's why they shouldn't be here.  
They shouldn't waste their energy on a monster like you.

"You look awful," Maki said.  
_ Ah yes, masterful execution of the language, Maki. _

You manage to spit out a, "Yeah."  
"Sunny, you gotta tell us what's wrong," Kaito said.  
His forcefulness and determination just made you retreat slightly behind the door.  
"I thought that was clear," you say.  
"Can we talk about this inside?" Kaito asked.  
It would be rude to turn them away. Begrudgingly, you let them in.  
Now they're in your space, and you can't run away. This is why you sent it in a message like the coward you are.

You make yourself small. Hunch your shoulders. Avoid eye contact. Submit.  
_ Monster _ .  
You're haven't done anything wrong, but it still feels like they could hurt you.  
_ Garbage _ .  
Kaito holds your hands in his, and your eyes meet his. He had a serious look on his face, but his eyes were watery and full of fear.  
" _ Miyako _ ," he said, "What's going on with you?"  
Your mouth is clamped shut and you can't speak. You only race through thoughts of what you want to say. A whimper comes out.  
You sit on the edge of your bed with your hands folded in your lap.  
Kaito sits down next to you. Maki is unsure what to do, but joins you both. You're sandwiched in between them.  
"We won't leave until you feel better," Kaito said, reaching for your hand.  
You breathe a bit to calm down, knowing you won't be speaking coherent anything through this whole thing.

* * *

  
An hour is what it took to get everything of your chest.  
Most of it was rambling, then trying to explain. You needed to be understood. You needed them to understand, you wanted them to understand.  
It took a lot of repeating affirmations to stop fighting it.  
By the end, Kaito had his arm wrapped around you, peppering your forehead with kisses, and Maki was leaning against you, her hand in yours.  
She squeezed your hand. "Idiot," she said, her forehead pressed against your cheek. "Leaving would hurt us more than staying." She squeezed your hand tighter. "Don't you know you're amazing?"  
"I don't get scared a lot," Kaito said, earning a giggle from you, "but it scares me to think about what could have happened. You changed our lives for the better. Sunny, _ without a doubt _ , you're one of the greatest things that ever happened to me."  
"Seconded," Maki mumbled into your neck, her lips tickling you a bit.  
And you know that. You knew that. It was hard to leash the thought of them just saying that because they love you.  
Without warning, Maki wrapped her arms around you.  
"You're staying, got it?"  
You nuzzle her. "Got it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was in a bad place when I originally wrote this one. Am in a better place now.


	2. What's Up? (UNFINISHED WIP)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A calm morning after an end-of-semester party. Unfortunately unfinished

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> damn i wish i finished this, but have a small glimpse into my process

What’s Up?  
Kaito opened his eyes and found himself hanging off of his bed, his face pressed against the floor. Groaning, he slid the rest of his body off the mattress, a sheet being dragged along with him, and he got into a sitting position. Clothes were scattered about the room, and his boxers were by his foot. He turned his head, and saw the sleeping forms of his two beautiful girlfriends. Miyako was curled around Maki. He stood up, stretching, and took the blanket from the floor. As he draped the sheet over both of them, he gave each of them a kiss on the temple. Then, he picked up his clothes from the floor. As he threw on a pair of boxers and a t-shirt, he noticed a baggie on his nightstand. Oh. He still had some weed left over from last night. Might as well.  
It wasn’t the first time he would walk the halls in nothing but his underwear and a t-shirt, and it wouldn’t be the last. Standing in the grass, away from the entrance of the building, he lit his pipe. Didn’t look like he was smoking weed, but everyone who knew him just knew.  
[insert some internal monologue here. Idk i’m tired]  
Miyako woke up slowly. She was tangled up with Maki, and pretty much had her nose buried in Maki’s hair.  
“Kaito...?” she murmured. He wasn’t anywhere, but he wouldn’t leave them like that. He’d be back. And she wasn’t alone, she had Maki.  
Last night, they all went back to Kaito’s room during the party, and had a little fun of their own. It was just the booze, or that was the version they told people. Truthfully, that was all an excuse. Sure, it helped them loosen up, but they were still sober enough to be safe.  
Usually, Maki wakes with a pindrop. She must be really tired to sleep this much. Miyako didn’t want to leave the bed, so she stayed by Maki’s side. She starts running her fingers through Maki’s hair, brushing it away from her face. Maki looked so beautiful in her sleep. Miyako’s lips brush against maki’s cheek, giving sweet gentle kisses, just soft enough so that she wouldn’t wake Maki.  
She is spooning maki, resting her head against the back of her shoulder, and tracing the “training” scars on Maki’s upper arm. She gives a gentle kiss to her shoulder.

[At some point she says, “Good morning, Beautiful MakiMaki~” and leaves lots of neck kisses.]


	3. i feel pink, just like a freak (ventfic)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this when I went off my old medication and had a bad withdrawal. Never wanna do that again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter contains the r-slur in character dialogue, as well as the word "psycho". also discusses paranoia and fear of invalidation. general feeling of helplessness all throughout.

The body shocks started a week after the killing game started. Of course she was put here without her long term medicine. Maybe though, she thought, she could cope without it. Maybe someone would rescue them soon.

It was futile to hope for such a thing. The killing game continued and her symptoms worsened.

Kaito didn't know. How could he? He had a lot of old fashioned views. Miyako's first attempt to talk about her feelings was... "shut down" wouldn't be the right word. But it didn't go well. Whenever she tried to explain, Kaito - bless his heart - for some reason couldn't wrap his head around needing medicine for something like that. She looked so normal! Why would she need medicine for? Why wouldn't just trying to stay positive work?

She wanted to say in response, "You stay positive, but you're not happy either." But she didn't. That's mean, and she cared too much to say anything mean to the people she cared about.

Kokichi understood a little bit better, but was wayyy too under equipped to help. All he could do is listen. Listen and tease and maybe even try to make her laugh. Which wasn't too different from Kaito's attempts. But at least when he raised his voice it didn't make her flinch.

The killing game progressed. It's only gotten worse. Bouncing back from this is so much harder.

She's saying some messed up things and lashing out more. Even insulting her own intelligence with slurs in front of the others. Miu chimes in with more insults. Kaito still attempts to tell Miyako otherwise.

Kokichi's patience wears thin. "You're right, Mii, you're a boring retard crybaby. No wonder you're so sad all the time! Your talent is so useless, you can't even use it to fix yourself."

That hurt. She wants to defend herself, but it's true. What good is a therapist if she can't actually help anyone, or herself? But more than anything, that comment struck deep. The person who she thought understood her the most goes and says that. How dare he, because she was his only ally in this godforsaken hell hole, but she can't blame him either. He's suffering just as much and she's just a constant sad bag of suffering hellbent on being a victim. This was bound to happen.

Who was going to understand her now? She could reach out to Shuichi, but he's doing so well right now. She can't ruin that. Besides, she never went out of her way to talk to him before, mostly to avoid getting hurt by his negative aura. Ironic, isn't it?

She could reach out to Maki, which is a stupid idea for so many reasons. Mostly amounting to "she scares me." Literally, Miyako would rather talk to Shuichi, and before doing that, she'd rather just.... not.

Besides, if she decided to reach out now, just for the purpose of trying to keep herself afloat, isn't that selfish? And with all the toxic things she had in her brain, hiding away would be better. It'd protect people from her.

(She was hiding like Maki did when this all started. Maki might've understood, had Miyako opened up to her. Or she could've told Miyako that this was dumb - which it was. Or worse: saying that Miyako is being dumb because she hasn't suffered like her. And that was the scariest part.)

But it didn't matter anyway because she was certain she was going to die. Nobody wanted her around, and they were all conspiring against her. But that was probably a lie. Or not. But they probably hated her anyway because she did and said some bad things - unless she imagined those too. It was hard to tell, and no one knew about the things she thought she did to corroborate that.

Maybe she was even just faking this for attention. Who knows?

Whoever was in charge did this on purpose, didn't they? They wanted a psycho to stir up some drama, right? Are they happy with their handiwork? They better not be bored.


End file.
